NOTE: Please pray for Donna. She’s now dealing with the virus I dealt with 2 days ago. I’m much better.

Psalm 139:23, 24 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Scripture plays a critical role in our lives in helping us respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  It forms the framework upon which we can evaluate whether something within us is right or wrong – whether a behavior is offensive or wicked (KJV).

A major problem that we have with the more subtle sins is that we don’t see or recognize them.  We can be blind to them and their deadly work.  It’s like our grasp of the obvious has been turned off.  We’re clueless to the red warning light flashing on the dashboard before us.

We might be blind due to the hardness of our hearts, or the blindness may stem from certain behaviors being well established habits.  Praise God when He opens our eyes to see behaviors and attitudes in our lives that are negative and hurtful, both to us and to others.

There is a 3 letter word that can be a source of much pain and even sin.  It is the source of a most negative life habit that afflicts us all.  It is the word “Why?”.  Our response to this word profoundly affects our communications, thoughts, attitudes, behavior and relationships.  Unfortunately, once we start contemplating it, our response almost always leads us to sin and we’re not even aware of it.

Consider the following situations:

• A friend walks by you and doesn’t speak to you.
• Your spouse forgets something important.
• Someone doesn’t return your smile.
• Someone is curt with you.

In each of these and a myriad of other circumstances our natural (fleshly) tendency is to immediately think of the question, “Why did they do/say that?”  “Why?” wants to know the motivation that precipitated the action we question.  “Why?” wants to know what the reason is so we can judge whether or not we think it’s valid.  Should we be offended or hurt?  Maybe they aren’t a true friend after all, and so on…

The problem is that judging motives is forbidden by scripture.  It is something we are to avoid like the plague.  Romans 14:10a raises the question, “You, then, why do you judge your brother?”  Instead of looking to judge, a more redemptive practice would be to use such behaviors as triggers for prayer.  Instead of indulging our own insecurities, we need to focus our trust upon the Lord.  Allow perceived negative behaviors to roll off us like water off a duck’s back.

Instead of “Why did they do that to me?” perhaps our response could be, “O Lord Jesus, they must be struggling today.  Please show them your grace and mercy.”  Instead of taking affront, we should respond with grace.

Proverbs 27:5-6a  Better is open rebuke than hidden love.  ⁶ Wounds from a friend can be trusted,

One of my classes at Wheaton Grad School dealt with resolving conflicts.  We each had to take a test that measured our view of confrontation.  Among the students in the class were pastors, missionaries, teachers and workers in Christian organizations.  We were all a bit surprised when we discovered that we all wanted to avoid confrontation like the plague!

‘Confrontation’ is one of those words like ‘commands’, ‘obey’, ‘obedience’, ‘submission’ that we seem to have an allergic reaction to instead of seeing it as vital to healthy Christian living.  We tend to think of explosive, angry, unpleasant interactions that make the problems worse.

Rather, it’s important to recognize that facing up to problems, issues or people is essential – and to do so in love is a requirement of scripture.  It is a multifaceted redemptive skill that we must learn.  Key to confronting situations is learning how to do it, when to do it and if in fact it needs to be done.

Years ago my dad belonged to a men’s Bible study.  One day he commented that he was going to quit attending it – that most of the men had already quit coming.  I asked him why.  He said, “Wally just won’t quit talking and dominates everything.”  I suggested that he talk to Wally and tell him about this problem he has – that his non-stop talking is driving the men away.  Dad said, “I couldn’t do that.  None of us want to hurt Wally’s feelings.”  The men thought it better for the Bible study to die than to confront a brother with a blind spot who probably didn’t realize what he was doing.

If we are doing something wrong or something that is causing a problem, wouldn’t we want to know about it?  Wouldn’t we want a co-worker, a friend, or a loved one to take us aside and in kindness inform us of it?  If we were Wally, wouldn’t we want to know before we were sitting all by ourselves?

The Golden Rule is such a simple yet profound learning tool – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  When it comes to speaking to someone about a problem (think family, kids, spouse, parents, co-workers, friends), we are to do it in a way that we would like it done to us if the roles were reversed.